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The Etiquette Grrls loathe going Shopping this time of year, which says Quite A Lot, considering how Terribly Fond the EGs are of Shopping. In every store, from Nordstrom to CVS, from Tiffany's to Food Mart, we're plied with all manner of merchandise relating to St. Valentine's Day. Now, the EGs don't have anything against Beautiful Flowers, Expensive Chocolates, and Good Jewelry, but unfortunately, most of the wares being peddled, even at the Nice Stores, don't fall into any of the above-mentioned categories! We don't care how expensive it might be, a diamond-encrusted, heart-shaped pendant is hideous and flashy, not to mention Too Tacky for Words! Any self-respecting jeweler ought to be thoroughly ashamed of selling such an item! And enough with all manner of pink-and-red, glitter-covered gee-gaws and poor-quality stuffed animals! (Which are not An Acceptable Present for An Adult, in any circumstance!) Down with faux-satin-covered, heart-shaped boxes of stale coconut-filled chocolate, or worse, those heart-shaped candies that bear a Striking Resemblance to Tums, with the inane phrases imprinted upon them! The EGs would rather receive one home-made and thoughtful St. Valentine's Day card than any of the crap that fills store shelves immediately after (or even before) New Year's.
Furthermore, what about all of the EGs' Single Friends? The EGs think it's Quite Rude to celebrate a Holiday which so blatantly excludes so much of the population! A few years ago, the EGs and Friends decided that Something Needed to Be Done about this, and thus, decided to appropriate February 14th, and rename it Single Persons' Appreciation Day, or SPAD for short. (Props to Miss Diana Wagner of Denver and Boston, who came up with the idea.) SPAD isn't about Crass Commercialism, but rather, on SPAD, one should celebrate one's independence and self-reliance, and not feel sorry for yourself that no one gave you one of those cheap boxes of stale candy. (Who wants Cheap Candy, anyway? It's not even worth the calories!) Even couples ought to stop being so self-absorbed, and remember their Single Friends on this day! Also, we should mention that the official color of SPAD is Navy Blue, which, unlike red, the color of St. Valentine's Day, is dignified, slimming, and flattering on Everyone.
So, this February 14th, don't mope about like Charlie Brown waiting for the Valentine that Never Arrives from the Little Red-Haired Girl! Instead, send some SPAD cards, put on that darling Navy Blue sheath dress or sweater, get together with your gang, and go out for a Fabulous Dinner, Good Stiff Drinks, and whatever else may Strike Your Fancy!
Merry SPAD, Dear Readers!!!
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